Dec 25, 2009

Beauty and the Beast....within


Why is it that we can be blinded by our thoughts, feelings and insecurities and there are very few people that can break us away from this?

As I have battled with my insecurities well...my entire life? I have come to realise that the one person I thought contributed to some of my insecurities, turned out to be in fact the one person I now turn to for true support.

Some us are led to believe that the advice (better known as criticism) we receive from our parents can sometimes tarnish our self esteem. Well I can say that I have used it once or twice as a justification of my self-image 'issues'.

My Mother always took pride in us as kids. Dressing us to the nines wherever we went. We were those kids all parents would compliment on what we were wearing, as our outfits were always so carefully put together.

Pretty red pinafore dress, red bow in hair, white lace frilled socks worn with black patent leather Mary Janes....stylist - MUM.

Then as a teen (when I was obviously dressing myself), Mum would critique my outfits time and time again, I was no longer wearing pretty red dresses and I swapped my pretty black Mary Janes for a pair of black Nike Airs (eep - this was my tomboy stage of life...ahh yes). Mum would rarely look at what I was wearing without a shriek or shake of head in disappointment. Then it was what I ate, Mum would always watch what I ate. I was never a big girl at any point but I can definitely say that my Mum would not have allowed it! She would stop me from going to the fridge at times if she thought I'd had enough.

Over time I began to think that some of this played a part in the way I doubted myself. I guess my mother rarely approved of my look or taste. I know she loved me, but I wanted her to tell me I was beautiful, I wanted her to like what I was wearing (ok so maybe not while I was wearing Nike Airs) but I wanted compliments, not advice!

Now, 10 years later I still look for that approval, that confirmation that yes in my own way, am beautiful. But the problem is I rarely will accept a compliment without backfiring with some sort of contradiction or negative. Someone will compliment my outfit, looks for physique and I almost immediately answer with "oh but this or that is something negative".

So in fact I think the negative thinking and self doubt is actually not a derivative of my upbringing, not something to do with the fact that my Mother always wanted for her daughter to look her best. But in fact something completely self-inflicted (pause for shock)

This year I went through some shall we say 'alterations' to my looks (ok so yes, I had minor cosmetic surgery). The outcome was not immediately a positive one, and I am sure a lot of you out there who have entered into the world of physical upgrades can agree that it is not an easy journey.

I was falling into a black hole...thinking I had made a mistake, a bad decision, one that was irreversible.

I received many approvals and compliments from close friends. All trying to convince me that the outcome was the best I could have because it wasn’t a major change, and in fact not many people would know the difference. I still looked like Me.

But NO, did I want to look like me? I wanted to be different; I thought I had to look different. So by about the fifth day of my recovery I woke up that morning and ran to the mirror for my daily check - nope still not confident, only one thing that came to mind next, MUM!

Mum will tell me the truth, Mum won't lie. Mum won't tell me I look beautiful, better, great,  unless it was true!? I got dressed, packed a bag and jumped on the next train to my parent's house.

The anticipation of my Mother's approval seemed greater by the minute and the one hour trip felt like a year. 

Finally - "You look beautiful, perfect".

It felt like I had submitted an application for self-esteem and it was stamped with a big red APPROVED. I was relieved and I was happy. I asked her if she thought that the minor change was a good thing, that it was better that I still looked like me? She answered with, "You didn't need to change anything, you were already beautiful, the one thing you had a problem with was only obvious to your eyes".

If only I believed that for longer than the next ten minutes.

Love you Mummy.

x

Dec 9, 2009

Tabitha Emma

Designer and Freelance Illustrator to look out for....
Tabitha Emma Patterson - check out her site: http://tabithaemma.com/

x love




Dec 8, 2009

The Finders Keepers



The Finders Keepers market is a bi-annual event showcasing the work of emerging designers and artists, (Sydney one held at Carriageworks in Everleigh).  If you like market hunts and live music this is a pretty cool thing to attend. I had only just found out about this a couple weeks ago, just in time to get myself down there on the weekend. I had read up on the work of some of the designers and artists that were going to be there, and I was quite intrigued.

No doubt some of the work was pretty impressive - an abundant variety of cute illustrations and artwork, handmade fabric covers for anything from cushions to lap tops, handmade jewellery and accessories and arty crafty bits and pieces - I also found a few goodies in each of the two fashion rooms. Although, I must say I thought to myself on a couple of occasions that the price tag was a little on the expensive side. I don't know if anyone will back me up on this but when I think of "markets", I associate it with the word "bargain?".....  

So with my once over and on some things twice over, I didn't really jump on the purchase?! Also with say earrings made from buttons or the like - well I kind of thought "hmmm this isn't anything new (as in - seen it before)?"...and I guess I had the impression that most things would be? - So yes to my regret I walked out of there all hot and bothered (did I mention it was madness with Saturday shoppers?) and empty handed.

met the duo behind the label 'Handsom', which I had also read up on prior to visiting and I was really keen to see their collection. They had some great contemporary pieces that were different and had an edge - their inspiration comes from their English heritage merging traditional tailoring with modern lines.



The pair met (and started dating) five years ago whilst studying in Leeds, England where Sam studied Fashion Design at Leeds School of Art and Henry studied Product Design at Leeds University’s School of Mechanical Engineering.

My favourite pieces were the maroon dress and the leather vest (as above)...


Another label I will keep an eye out for is 'Me & Oli' - beautiful illustrated & digitally printed clothes with a dash of vintage detailing....ooohh delicious! (you can purchase their goodies from Pigeon Ground, Camperdown!).... below are a few of their illustrations which I found pretty cool...(hail to the beard).







So - Next time I think I will be a little more cashed up and I will walk out of there with some cute little additions to my wardrobe and walls.


Confession: I made this trip before my Vintage market hunt and well did I get home empty handed? - hmmmm not so much...(oops)

x love

Dec 4, 2009

Street Style S/S 2010 - best dressed

Harper's have posted their best dressed of street style s/s 2010 - I have taken my favourite out of the bunch! - chic chic chic.

Amor x